Candid Camera

Romans 1: 7a To all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be saints: (NIV)

I’ve written to you before about St. Jude, the Roman Catholic patron saint of lost items and hopeless causes. My mother taught me to pray to him if I needed to find my keys. Over the years, despite being a Presbyterian pastor, when I get exasperated looking for something I’ve lost, I hear my mother’s words and say a silent prayer to St. Jude. Within a short period of time, I’ve always found what I’ve lost.

Well, at least that was the case until last weekend. My eldest daughter Lynsey was moving to Blacksburg, Virginia to begin her graduate course at Virginia Tech. The town is beautiful and the college buildings are exceptional. It all looks Ivy League to me.

I wanted to take some photos of the town, so I took my digital camera with me (if you want to see some of my past photographs, check out my photos, cartoons and drawings at http://www.flickr.com/photos/traqair57/ ). So, I drove the U-Haul truck to Blacksburg on Saturday morning with all of Lynsey’s furniture.

Evelyn, Lauren, Lynsey and I unpacked the furniture and set up Lynsey’s new apartment. In the middle of the afternoon, we were finished and so we decided to visit downtown Blacksburg. It was then that I sadly discovered my digital camera was missing. We hunted all over the apartment, in cupboards, boxes, purses and even the garbage bags.

I drove back to U-haul and asked if they found a camera in the truck. They hadn’t. I looked over the grounds outside of Lynsey’s apartment and even the parking lot, but the camera was nowhere to be seen or found. That’s when I started to pray to good old St. Jude, but this time it didn’t seem to work.

Glum would describe my mood for the rest of the weekend. Blacksburg was beautiful, but I was carrying my own shadow around with me. Even during worship at Northside church on Sunday morning, I couldn’t stop thinking about the camera, so when it came to the offering, I said a prayer inside of myself like this: “Lord, I give my camera to whoever has found it. May he or she enjoy using it just as much as I have done. Amen.”

St. Jude had obviously missed an opportunity to make a Presbyterian pastor happy, so I just put it down to good old Presbyterian predestination. St. Jude had greatly disappointed me, so the Calvinist within me took over. Praying to the saints is not something that Presbyterians, especially pastors, should be doing. In my mind’s eye, I could see John Knox sternly rebuking me for asking St. Jude to intercede. I felt ashamed.

And then on Wednesday morning, the U-Haul guy in Blacksburg called me to say that he had found the camera hanging under the seat of the truck. Good, old St. Jude had come through! Maybe I’m a Calvinistic Catholic after all!

All together now!...“Oh, when the saints, go marching in…”

Prayer: Lord Jesus, thank You for the saints of old and for their past ministries. We know that You alone intercede on our behalf for our salvation. Thank You for saving lost souls and for the work of the saints in Your earthly church that goes on throughout the world today. In Your Holy Name, we pray. Amen

Acedia

Audio version here

Romans 5:5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (NIV)

I came across a new word the other day: acedia. It means ‘spiritual languor.’ I guess it’s like belief burnout or compassion fatigue. It’s when you lose your connection to God, His church or His people, and you end up feeling isolated, vulnerable, and maybe even abandoned.

It’s like being in a spiritual wilderness with no sense of direction, focus, or meaning. It’s a hard state to be in and a hard experience to endure. Souls can feel lost in acedia, but it seems to be an important part of our spiritual journey and Christian growth.

The Desert Fathers of the fourth and fifth centuries experienced a lot of this, especially when they chose to be isolated from the rest of the Christian community. They went out into the desert to find themselves because they were too many distractions around them in the towns and cities where they lived. They found the peace and quiet, solace and tranquility they were looking for, but slowly and surely acedia wormed its way into their hearts and minds. For a time, their souls became depressed and their grasp of God weakened. Some of them went mad with despair, whilst others were overwhelmed with a spiritual malaise.

So, how did they overcome acedia? They kept on praying. They kept on meditating about God. They kept on reading the scriptures. And even although this was hard to do, they persevered; bringing their souls through that acediac wilderness to a realization of a new hope in God’s overflowing love through being reconnected to the Holy Spirit.

Perhaps, you are feeling the same acedia. Maybe you’ve felt disconnected to God for a while and have lost some of that peace, presence and spiritual strength you so desperately need at this time. You’re not alone, and others have walked that wilderness path before you. Keep praying. Keep reading. Keep persevering. You’ll one day discover that God still holds you in His hand and that He keeps pouring out His love to you day by day, hour by hour, second by second.

Prayer: Father God, sometimes we feel that we have lost our grasp of faith and that things are not the same. Sometimes we wonder if You are really there, or if we are really that important to You. As we struggle with acedia, keep on loving us. Continue to guide us by Your grace and lead us by Your love. In Jesus’ Name, we pray. Amen.