My wife and I were asked to give both the toast to the Lassies and the Lassies' reply at a recent Burns Supper. Here are the speeches that we wrote and presented together :)
Toast to the Lassies
There’s an old saying that behind every successful man there is a woman telling him, ‘ye did it wrong’ or’ ye missed a bit’ or even ‘ye never listen.’ So, it’s with some fear and trepidation that I stand up here to give this traditional toast to the Lassies… before my lovely wife gives her reply.
It’s customary to recall some of the words that Burns used to describe the wonderful gifts of women and how they inspired his love. The best example is a poem that is still often recited or sung at Scottish weddings:
O
my Luve is like a red, red rose, that’s newly sprung in June;
O
my Luve is like the melody that’s sweetly played in tune.
So
fair art thou, my bonnie lass, so deep in luve am I;
And
I will luve thee still, my dear, till a’ the seas gang dry.
Till
a’ the seas gang dry, my dear, and the rocks melt wi’ the sun;
I will love thee still, my dear, While the sands o’ life shall run.
We all know the great Bard himself devoted a lot of his poetry to the endearing charms of women, but how many times after declaring his love in songs and rhymes, did Jean Armor his wife turn round and say, “Aye that’s nice, Robbie, but have you mown the field yet, or put the trash out, or walked the dog?”
It makes me wonder if Burns could ever have written a poem called, “To My Honey…Do List.” If so, it might have started like this:
“Fair
fa’ my honey’s sonsie list,
Of
aw the tasks that I have missed,
Of
aw the chores I left undone,
Of
aw the deeds I’ve no begun,
Have
mercy, Lord, when I get home,
To soothe her wrath wi’ anither poem!”
All kidding aside, Gents, if it wasn’t for the lassies, we would never be here. They painfully bring us into the world and patiently nurture us as kids. They teach us many crucial lessons about life and love, community and society. And with just a few encouraging words, they can inspire us to do great things, and make the world a more attractive and better place.
So,
please be upstanding lads, as we make our sincere and grateful toast:
To
the Lassies!
The Lassies' Reply
There’s an old saying that behind every successful woman, there is another woman telling her, “You Go, Girl!” So, with the encouragement of my Caledonian sisters, it’s with boldness and determination that I stand up here to give this traditional reply to the Laddies and fill in all the bits that my dear husband missed.
There’s no doubt that Robert Burns loved his women and lived in a man’s world, but one of his poems speaks about his admiration regarding the perfection of woman. In “Green Grow the Rashes O”, he penned these immortal words:
Auld
Nature swears, the lovely dears
Her
noblest work she classes, O:
Her
prentice hand she try'd on man,
An' then she made the lasses, O!
In other words, God left making the best of Creation to the last – which is probably why His Son often said, “The last will be first, and the first will be last.”
My husband mentioned that he wondered if Robert Burns would ever have written a poem about his wife’s Honey Do List. I think he did, but it also included a reply at the end from Jean Armour:
Poor
man, see him ower that list,
Of
aw the things he thought I missed!
Of
aw the work he should have done,
Instead
of wasting hours on fun.
He
should, by now, make this his mission,
When women talk, men should listen!
And so, dear sisters, it falls upon us, to make a toast to the Laddies, to the men in kilts and trews, who make us laugh with their nonsense, especially when they try to mansplain things that they have no idea what they’re talking about. To the real Scotsmen, who play rugby football in winter without any armor or stoppages, who charge into battle and expect us to heal their wounds, who make life complicated and interesting.
Please
be upstanding, lassies, as we make our toast to the Laddies!
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